People aren't failures.
We succeed at almost everything we do...
Walking
Talking
Thinking
Breathing
Eating
Drinking
Writing
Sleeping
Waking
Working
Exercising
Having Fun
Making Friends
Making Plans
Learning at School
Making Money at Work
Spending Money
Understanding Jokes
Enjoying Entertainment
And on and on....
We are generally competent, and can get through most things most days just fine.
So... why do we fail?
Failure only comes in 2 forms:
Fundamental Failures
Execution Failures
Fundamental Failures
This is when something is fundamentally missing, and so there's no level of execution that could make it succeed. Failure is assured, and only a change to the fundamental structures would allow a success.
An easy example would be trying to bake cookies without any of the right ingredients.
Execution Failures
This is when the fundamentals are all in place, but some part of the execution process isn't correct. In this case, success is possible, but not assured.
An example would be having all the ingredients and tools to bake cookies, but then burning them.
The Problem
When we discuss failure, and the things we need to do to succeed, it's almost always about execution.
I burned the cookies
I shouldn't have said that
I didn't plan my feet
I could have believed more
I needed to work harder
If only I'd wanted it more
In each case, the story is that you had everything you needed, but then once you started something went wrong.
The problem is that in reality, most meaningful success or failure lie in the fundamentals, which we rarely discuss or have the tools to address. This is true for success and failure, both personally and broadly.
We often deal with, and discuss these types of failures differently, by simply saying that "we couldn't even start".
I failed to bake the cookies because I never bought the ingredients.
I failed to tell you because I never called.
I failed to make the basket because I never took the shot
I failed to see the point because I didn't believe
I failed to get the job because I didn't go to the interview
I failed to get a medal because I didn't enter the competition
The classic "you miss every shot you don't take".
However, in far too many cases, we are compelled to "do something", when faced with a problem. This compulsion isn't a bad place to start learning and planning, but it is a terrible place to jump into action, where quick action almost guarantees failure, particularly for anything of meaning or difficulty.
The 'rush to start' is a strong biological drive, which we've learned to manipulate.
"Quick fixes" ... "Diets" ... "Miracle drugs" ... "Just doing it"... our compulsion to quickly solve things and make things better often kills their chance of success.
This compulsion, and it's encouragement, lead to A LOT of wasted money, time, and energy.
It's why:
People go on diets, and buy fad solutions
So much is spent on sales and marketing instead of product development
Humans have existed for millions of years, but science was only recently invented, and still so widely opposed
We can get things wrong so often, but things still seem to work out
Volunteer efforts to improve housing, homelessness, drugs, cancer, etc. makes such slow progress
It gets even worse because we are used to ways of doing things, don't track outcomes, and don't know better. So, we often aren't even aware of our own failures, or the inherent failure of the entire approach.
Therefore, we remain blissfully unaware that our approach doesn't allow us to impact the outcomes, and the success or failure of our efforts is fully unrelated to our participation.
The only way to change this is to:
Agree that despite a lot of honest effort, the existing approaches haven't worked
Be open to a new approach
Be fully on-board with independently and honestly tracking outcomes
Make effective fundamental changes
Otherwise, while it will keep you busy and fuel for your stories, it's just tilting at windmills.
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